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Hiding the Money from Wife.

April 10th, 2006 at 10:36 pm

Well, I made a couple of extra bucks and I have not told the wife about it. It makes more sense to save and not let her know about it. I tried the open path and it sure backfired.

We have tried the counseling but it usually degenerates into screaming matches. Enough is enough. I don't care to live in a hovel when I get older so it is up to me to save. I will divorce my finances from my wifes finances if that is necessary. I thought about it before but it is fast becoming a viable option. I intend to consult a lawyer to see how one goes about doing that.

I have the emergency fund up to 5000 again. I have 14 payments to go on my wifes CC debt. I threw some extra money at it last payment.

I printed out info on Debit cards and explained to my wife the dangers of using overdraft protection at 21%. I hope she keeps better control of her checking account. In any case she does not have a credit card and the overdraft is limited to 5000. Crazy stuff this!

Now the wife wants to redo the upstairs and finish the basement. Money grows on trees right? I tried to expalin to the wife that I don't want to incur any more debt as I pay off her last spending spree. I could see where the discussion was going in 30 seconds. I have no money to give until the CC is paid off.

Oddly enough she is still clipping coupons for the grocery store. Talk about about irony. I got my bicycle fixed to use for short trips around town and save wear and tear on the car. It is also good for my health barring getting hit by a car!

I'd like to thank all the folks who have been so kind and free with good advice.
Now it is back to the grindstone and make it happen!

27 Responses to “Hiding the Money from Wife.”

  1. alianora Says:
    1144705520

    I hide money from my husband. Not quite on the same level, i dont think, but if he knew WHERE i hid my extra dollar bills before depositing, he would be "borrowing" them for pizza and laundry money!

    he knows i hide it..he just doesnt know WHERE. Smile

  2. carol.carol Says:
    1144706111

    You have my sincere sympathy. I have to mislead my significant other about finances or he would be going on a spendfest again. He draws SS due to a very bad accident years ago, and the kids draw SS off his SS. I'm in charge of one of the kid's checks, meaning that I have $97.00 a month to work with. Out of that I pay the savings jar at least $20 first, buy the family toiletries, set aside a certain amount for extra school expenses, a certain amount for birthdays/holidays, $8.50 to each boy for his monthly allowance. I was never shown or taught anything about budgeting, saving, or investing when I was growing up and as a result went through 30+ years of working and spending freely. Now here I am, having just hit the big 5, getting a wake up call, and realizing that I have to get it together for myself and also teach my boys what they need to know NOW about how to budget and save. So far they are doing well, even my younger son, who has been a complete spendthrift. That's so sad when one tries the open, honest route, only to have it blow up in one's face. I've had to resort to deciet in order to really start saving. So far, I have $65.50 saved, and my goal for the year is $350.00. I truly wish you well.

  3. katwoman Says:
    1144706947

    I know you have to do something and if hiding money works for now, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

    Please don't give up on the counseling. If it ended in a shouting match look into another counselor. A good one would be able to help you two compromise rather than tear you apart.

  4. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1144711277

    Good luck to you. Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns to make it work...Don't lose sight of your goals!

  5. DivaJen Says:
    1144713811

    I wish things were easier for you. I agree about the counseling - sometimes you need to try a new counselor.

    I sincerely applaud your efforts and hope you and your wife will be able to find that happy middle ground sooner than later.

  6. baselle Says:
    1144731971

    Your wife strikes me as a fake frugal person. She's trying just hard enough so that her spending isn't questioned, or it can be rationalized by, "but honey, I do this....for the family. I deserve..." Sigh. So hard. Do you push her along, she if she develops more frugality or do you seal yourself off?

    DH and I have completely separate finances. We are not weird, evil people; it doesn't mean I don't love DH; it means that we have bills that we are assigned to and are accountable for.

  7. mjrube94 Says:
    1144767280

    Good luck...as you can see by the comments, you have a lot of people on this forum pulling for you. Hang in there...

  8. miclason Says:
    1144767386

    It's difficult, but, sometimes you HAVE to hide the money (we used to hide any additional income from Mom!) or else it just gets spent! Frown
    ...now, if I could hide money from myself, I would LOL!...I tend to spend it if I have it!!

  9. PRICEPLUS Says:
    1144772997

    Thank you folks for the advice and the good wishes. I am just going to keep on keeping on until I get to the prize. Hiding money appear to be the only way to get there.

  10. KarenSue Says:
    1144909009

    I have a couple of banks where I put my change. They lock, because if they didn't DH would rob them all of the time! He is always looking for money for those darn vending machines at work. What a waste of money.

    I also have a savings account. Shhh...

    Mom always told me a woman should have her own money, even if just a little bit.

  11. markio26 Says:
    1145771815

    i don't hide money from my spouse... i usually hide it from myself... lol... my mistake... but, if i had to hide money to help my family survive.. then i would.. so, don't even feel bad one minute about doing that..
    my friend hides money from her spouse, they own an auto dealership... when he sees, they are making alot of money, he slacks off and doesn't work well until he has to again.. so, she takes about $300 a day out of the register and invests the money and he stays motivated.. she said she will adjust it higher if she has to...
    so, you see that is just one example... money is a big issue between couples everywhere... one person usually needs to manage the money anyway.. not both, it seems to me.

  12. Single Guy Says:
    1145978033

    Oh wow, have I been there. Your story is almost a duplicate of mine, where my wife would run up thousands in CC debt, then promise to be good, we would work to pay it down, and a year later it would start again.
    The last straw was her saying she would prove to me she could be an adult and we should seperate our accounts. Within 6 months she had her own credit cards maxed out in the thousands of dollars (I paid all the household bills).
    Sorry to be discouraging, but I finally accepted she wasn't going to change, and she is now my ex-wife and I feel like I have a future again.

  13. Max Says:
    1145988404

    The asteroid is coming in 2012. Everyone is going to look pretty silly with fancy retirement plans when all live ends as we know it. If I were you, I'd use money you hide from wife to build a decent-sized underground vault (which may or mey not help).

    My wife is a spender, too. We actually beat the living hell out of each other once (point of interest: spousal violence), but now all is good.

  14. PRICEPLUS Says:
    1146029542

    Asteroid in 2012?

  15. Max Says:
    1146066219

    Yep.

  16. Snoopy2645 Says:
    1146092821

    wow I thought I was the only one with a spouse like that if I told him we had an extra $50 he wants to spend $200 I finally decided to start hiding money although it isnt often I have done it a few times so far!!!

  17. PRICEPLUS Says:
    1146141077

    It is very reassuring to see I am not the only one with a spouse who is a spender.

  18. markio26 Says:
    1146243242

    i hope you are still gonna post... i enjoy reading what you have to say.. everyone is trying to be helpful, i am sure of it.

  19. PRICEPLUS Says:
    1146276174

    I will continue to post. This place is a God send. It is good a good place to vent and get sound advice. It is also reassuring to know that I am not alone.

  20. Ryan Says:
    1161304897

    I just got done with a knock down drag out argument with my wife about money. We have been married les than a year and she is breaking me. I have been saving/hiding money through an online bank and used my work address for setting up the account. I have more than 4K in there.
    Her idea is to spend till its gone. Then when she has situations like tonight and she takes one of her cats to the vet and it costs 306 bucks, all she has to resort to is her flaming credit card. Im 31 years old and make good money. I feel really bad that I am hiding the money, but Ill be damned if I have to live paycheck to paycheck because she cant control herself. Just venting.

  21. Linda Says:
    1187196323

    I hate the fact that I have to hide money from my husband. I've been dying to go to school and there's always a problem with money. We just recently separated our joint account. When we had a joint account there was never money to spend. Now that we have separate accounts, he has made purchases that I know we would never do. Plus he gets offended when I question him. His reply, "well we manage our own money now".

    What do you think?

  22. phill Says:
    1187210308


    If you don't hide the money you'll expose yourself to a very grim future. Keep hidin' mate

  23. PRICEPLUS Says:
    1187227072

    Linda, you have to protect yourself from financial infidelity. It at times becomes a power struggle. When the money becomes his and hers at times so does the marriage.

    Sometimes seperating the money is best. Sometimes it leads to a split. I hope you and your spouse can come to an agreement!

    Don't co-sign any loans and don't get a joint credit card! You should consider counseling. Left unaddressed financial issues can destroy a marriage. It came close to destroying mine!

  24. Mark Says:
    1191109163

    My wife and I have been together for 11 years married for 10.5. We have alway had the same account. All the money goes to the same place and has been. I pay the bills, but we have absolutely no savings. I am a saver and she is the spender. We have twins that are 5 and we used to have atleast some money to do things with them, but not she is having some kind of midlife crisis and going crazy spending money. In the past 3 months, I have paid off about $1500 in debt while she has accumulated over $12000. Yes, $12,000. We are having marital problems due to her "midlife" crisis. I was applying extra money to our debt every month and when I didn't, I would use it on our girls for softball, etc.. She has now had plastic surgery which is taking money from our girls. What to do? Sometimes I believe I would be better off without her so atleast I can spend money and give my girls more. I make ample money, but we live paycheck to paycheck and I hate it. I was well off before we met and know I am BROKE. It appears that she wants to seperate our finances and right now I am feeling the same, but she has not asked beyond setting up her own accounts. I do not want to do it for I may entice a Divorce discussion. I am willing work it out, but I feel like I am a single parent.

  25. Bryce Says:
    1195603778

    Assuming hiding money is your only option, I learned two rules in college regarding money.

    #1 - Trust no one with your money

    #2 - No mattresses

    Try a safe deposit box to stash cash. If you want to invest and aren't concerned about divorce as much as controlling your spouse's spending, look into IRA accounts, and if you want secrecy, ROTH IRAs don't need to be declared on taxes.

    Credit card tip, pre-paid VISA cards are available, put your spouse on an allowance next time they promise to spend less. If they're not going to spend it, they don't need access to it in plastic form, do they?

  26. JAS256 Says:
    1318363689

    I know these posts were a long time ago, but I feel like venting. I have the EXACT same problem with my wife. She stays at home with our 11 month old - which I agreed to. However, every time I pay off the credit card, she seems to miraculously run it up again. Then, when I get a bonus at work, she feels entitled to it and gets mad when I don't give her half! What a crock! I am going to pay off the $2000 we have on our only credit card next month and told her she can't buy anything for herself until that gets done. Wow-did that piss her off. I have been dealing with this for 7 years! I have bailed her out of thousands of dollars. She always says she will start over - especially when she feels overwhelmed. So, I was starting to take some bonuses and convert it to cash and was hiding it in a safe place - until she discovered it! She now is mad at me because she says I was lying to her. I explained to her I was doing it for the best interest of our finances, not to spend on myself. She is good at turning it around so I am the one who feels guilty. I either have to get a divorce because of finances, or do a damn better job of hiding the money. Just venting.

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